Moguls rejoice! Investors exclaim! 500 is yesterday’s news!
Yes my friends, today, after risking squirrel-abuse complaints we can happily announce that Rudiger has achieved what we thought previously impossible! Forget the phrase “500 forever”, because the 500-share barrier has now been broken!
This feat will go into the history books right alongside Chuck Yeager’s historic sound-barrier-breaking flight. What was previously thought impossible, is now, today, possible for us common folk. Here’s what we know so far:
However, gentle readers, Rudiger did note a slight difference in this upgrade. His detailed explanation far exceeded your humble scribe’s ability to comprehend. But after taking a moment to calm down and speak at our level, we learned that the commissions that Empire Avenue charges on ‘investment and selling activity beyond 500 shares in a single person’ have increased by 1%, from 5% to 6%.
And there you have it! I’m told that Rudiger is taking a much-deserved rest to recover from the incredible exertions and exhortations necessary to endure the thousand-hour marathon session this amazing endeavour required. Empire Avenue staff are filling in as necessary. Rudiger is declining all media requests at this time, and will return to duty as soon as he’s recuperated.